Soul Meets Body
by theRAZZ
Summary: Commander Aislynn Shepard is starting to feel as if she's losing her humanity, often times she feels like all the memories she has are not her own. Will her crew be able to show her the person she once was, or will they have to watch her fall apart?


**AN:** Oh man, it's been awhile. Oh hi there... *coughs* Well, for anyone that's been following me from X Amount of Words, I'm sorry to say I will not be completing that project. D: I apologize but, I will admit that I had lost interest, I blame ME2 and all that jazz. But don't fret, I'm still writing Shoker, which is what this particular project is about, mainly based around ME2, with bits from ME1 and my usual switch of POV and the like. I'll be changing some things up (obviously with how this chapter came out) in the main storyline that didn't makes sense to me, that will now make sense...to me, wow I hope that made sense. Anyway, storytime!

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He doesn't understand why she's falling apart. If he was the type of person to make shitty mistakes, make bad calls and have twitchy reflexes, then he'd understand-but he isn't that person. He did everything perfectly, or as perfect as he could given the situation. But why? She shouldn't look this bad, she couldn't crumble. The man shakes his head, hands that never shake are trembling as they frantically fly over flickering screens. Hundreds of pop-ups are obscuring his vision; warnings of critical systems failure, engines malfunctioning, life-support down. He's doing what can, he's trying to keep his best girl together as long as he can-

"Come on baby, keep it together."

There's a quake in his voice as he talks to her, like a man trying to soothe his dying lover. He's oblivious to the fact he's on speaker, the intercom loudly echoing his distress. He doesn't care.

Within a matter of seconds there's a large explosion behind him, something's telling him to put on his emergency air-supply. Without hesitation, Jeff is throwing off his SR-1 cap in replace of bulky headgear, if it wasn't for the fact that in any second he could die, he'd probably be bitching about the horrible humming in his ear from the gear kicking on. But there's no time, he needs to keep his girl afloat just a little longer, just a moment more. He had decided as soon as the first system's failure message had echoed around him that he would keep the Normandy alive as long as he could, even if it meant going down with the ship.

Another explosion, louder than the last which had caught the pilot's attention, he risks a moment to glance back just as all of the sound was sucked out of the cockpit. The sight he sees turns his stomach and he quickly looks away as a mass effect field blocks off the cockpit from the gaping wound in his girl's back, objects that weren't bolted down bleed out into the empty vacuum of space. Jeff can't stomach the sight.

"Just a little longer-" He's in absolute denial. He knows it, but he's too proud, stubborn and stupid to admit it, and even as the near dead screens blink as the last escape pods leave and near all systems shut down, he still wants to make himself believe that there's something he could do. _This is the end_…Jeff has never thought about his end, but he didn't think he'd go out like this. He had hoped for a more glorious end, probably go down in a brilliant blaze after an epic dogfight, having pulled some sort of crazy Ivan or something. Instead this was starting to look like one of the most bullshit ways to go, just like in that one old sci-fi vid he had seen.

At least he wasn't impaled or something, this would be pretty quick, when that behemoth riding his ass finally decided to blow the rest of him and his baby to space dust…

As Joker is about to contently resign himself to his fate, he hears a familiar click in his ear, followed by heavy breathing. He feels something hit the back of his seat, a normally welcome voice echoes in his ear , making him cringe, as her suit radio connects to his ear piece. She's the last person he wants to see. "Jeff! What the hell are you doing! We need to get the hell out of here!"

Shepard.

His commanding officer places her armored hand upon his shoulder, causing him to glance up, his heart pounding twice as hard. Why her? Why is she here? She should be on one of those escape pods, far away from here so she could live on and tell drunken stories of how amazing he was. Jeff shoves the woman's hand off his shoulder as he focuses his attention upon the console ahead of him, "Get the hell out of here Shepard!"

"Lieutenant don't you da-"

"I'm calling a mutiny, I'm taking over the ship and now I'm captain, now get the fuck out of here; That's an order!" If only mutinies were so simple.

An alarm starts sounding in his earpiece, another screen popping up in front of him, "Shit! It's powering up again!" Jeff turns to his commander, barely able to make out her deep blue eyes through the visor of her helmet. "Go! Just go, get the hell out of here, save yourself!" He wouldn't be the death of her, not after all they had been through. Not her.

He's pretty sure he looks utterly pathetic, but she's not having any of it. She wastes little time grabbing ahold of his arm, not caring about being gentle. In her haste she twists it in an awkward fashion to get it over her shoulder so she can support him, the pilot feels pain shoot through his arm, muscles immediately constricting. He makes a comment that she ignores as she drags him towards the bridge escape pod. He can only imagine what's going on in her head, if it was anything like his, thoughts racing through his head in a furious maelstrom of confusion, he feels pretty damn sorry for her.

For a moment, Jeff has to close his eyes so he can't see the tragedy that is the Normandy, instead he tries to picture her in her hay day, and it helps. He takes a little weight off her shoulders so they can move faster, Jeff ignores the immense pain building up in his legs. If he doesn't pick up his pace, both of them would be dead and his apparent self-sacrifice would be for naught. He begins to feel hope as his hazel eyes see the opening, flashing buttons beckoning them to safety. But there's something wrong, Aislynn's grip around his waist quickly loosens as something bright comes their way. He hears her curse loudly in his earpiece, there's no time for much reaction, at least not from Joker.

Shepard was quicker, she was always quicker. Tougher, stronger and more level-headed. She always seemed to know four different escape routes to every single situation. He envied how she seemed to always know what to do and even if it seemed wrong she was able to convince herself it was right. It was here that Jeff saw another side that she never allowed anyone else to see…

She panics, pushing the pilot hard into the pod as a bright yellow beam slices through the rest of the ship. It causes a chain reaction of explosions. Jeff catches himself on the edge of the doorway as Shepard is caught in a blast, she has just enough time to do what it was she did; play hero. Jeff feels like he's out of his own body, he hears himself scream at her, something about her playing hero and being stupid, but before he can go on another explosion blasts Jeff back. Ignoring the fact that he couldn't feel his right leg, he pushes himself up, adrenaline taking over his body as flings himself forward. But the door seals itself and he's suddenly propelled forward, slamming into the thick metal door.

"SHEPAAARD!"

He has no idea why he's screaming, she can't hear him, but for some dumb reason he thinks that maybe she can through the link between her suit radio and his earpiece. Instead the only response he can hear is loud static. The pilot is completely dumbfounded, he has no idea what had just happened and isn't sure he should believe it. Jeff's holding tight to a handle near the door, his body's numb, a blessing in disguise.

There's a ping overhead, a soothing voice announcing cabin stabilization, life-support operating at optimal level, emergency beacon activated, "Please feel free to remove any protective head-gear at this time, but please remain seated." Immediately afterwards he feels a surge of cool air rush over him, and it finally hits. It's finally clear now…Slowly he lifts his hand to the back of his head, trembling fingers fumbling at the headgear, unsnapping pieces until he was able to slowly pull it off, before all the emotions really hit him and caused him to rip off the gear with a yell, flinging it across the pod. It clatters against the opposite wall, pieces breaking off from the force. Jeff lets go of the handle as the numbness leaves his body, replacing it with agonizing pain. His leg gives way under him and he falls to the ground with a cry. Something has snapped, he's not surprised.

His leg is the least of his worries. He's had broken bones before, but he has never lost everything that's ever mattered to him before. At first he feels depressed, an almost uncontrollable urge to breakdown and cry washes over him. As tears well up in his eyes he quickly blinks them back, he refuses to go down that road again. Instead, he replaces that feeling with anger, trying to find some way to be pissed. Of course there's a reason to be pissed off, his ship, his baby…his home, was just destroyed. The Normandy made him something and bam, just like that she's gone!

And then there was Shepard…Was she a moron! How could she have done this to him! She just left him all alone, not only that she decided to take his sacrifice! "It should have been me!" He yells out bitterly, "I was supposed to go down with her, not you!" He slams his fist upon the ground, "Isn't it enough that you saved the galaxy! Shit you're so fucking selfish!" What is he thinking? Was he really acting like this!

"FUCK!" His leg is killing him, the pain is starting to become too much for him. No, he's had worse. He's just trying to find a cop-out. Jeff leans forward, attempting to roll his pant leg up, he starts to feel something else digging into his leg and he's pretty sure it's his brace. That's not good, not good at all. Jeff can feel dampness on his pants, he starts to rip at the material, cursing the Alliance and how high quality their uniforms are. Every move he makes starts to affect the pain, it shoots through every nerve in his body, getting worse and worse with each passing second.

"Shit, shit, shit-" He curses to himself as he manages to finally get the pant leg un-tucked from his boot. His face begins to contort painfully as he attempts to pull the material over the bulky brace. He lets out a cry as it gets caught on the metal that has managed to pierce his leg. As he leans forward to examine the extent of the damage more, his hands tremble, there's no way he can fix this. Not on his own. He muses about attempting to pull the metal bar out on his own, but thinks of how stupid that is, he doesn't know how deep it's in and he's got nothing to bandage himself up with.

He doesn't have much time to think of anything else as he feels the cabin jolt. Panic and confusion clearly display upon his face as he looks around, did the pod hit something? Pirates? Shit, he thinks to himself. If it was someone friendly, wouldn't they have tried to contact him? Joker attempts to move away from the door, but it's not going so well. It makes a hissing noise before it slides open and several people come rushing into the pod, people he knows but they're faces are starting to blur.

An older woman comes to his side, her touch is familiar as she presses her hands to his cheeks and gets him to look at her. There's another woman in white and pink armor and she's trying to pick him up, quickly pulling his arm over her shoulder. She's frantic, yelling out orders to people while helping the older woman drag Joker somewhere, he's really not sure what's going on anymore. He can hear all kinds of questions coming his way, but they're all merging together, sounding more like a mess of buzzing.

But he hears one, "Where's Shepard!"

And all Joker can do is hang his head and somehow that's enough for them to know she's gone and she's not coming back.


End file.
